Winter Cold: Summer Warmth

When it gets too boring here in Oxford, sometimes it's good to just write, just like how I used to. :)

The young lad had not been prepared for a time like this, and all the silent soliloquies he entertained in his head were now all laid bare before his Father, with nothing but pure horror and shame flooding through his entire fibre of being.

"You know what I've done," and that came out like a whimper from the young man, a former shell of who he was in front of his Father.

"Oh yes, and I know that which you have not done as well my child," and as this came from the Father, the young man wept, summoning strength to stifle his tears.

And the indignance of the child began to flood: "But it's so hard to swallow, it really is! My faith, and my pride in You, did they not count for anything at all?"

"But my child, are you not humbled? Have you not learnt? Do you not see?"

To this the young man said, "I've no strength left, and I am spent. May I come in to rest again? I've no more courage to face the world, I know not what to think of myself, and I long to see You so much. Tears have been my food, shame has been my drink, and my cup is empty and I am dry!"

And he sang the only words he remembered, the song his mother taught him to sing in the dead of the night when fears crept in, where doubts seep in and where anxieties rushed in:

'Into my heart,
Into my heart,

O Father!
Come in to stay,
Come in today,
Come into my heart,

O Father!'

"O Father, this child is spent, this child is weary, how can he give when he is so weak?"

A Whisper: He Misses Not

Some time ago, in early November, I was reading this blog of this lady - she was married to this man she loved deeply, but somehow differences between them kept them from having a complete marriage. The husband made no allowances for his wife, but the lady pressed on, knowing that a marriage called for commitment.

I saw her prayers, prayers filled with so much longing and hope and sadness. What an amazing lady, who drew strength from God every single day even as her marriage was falling apart. I read her profile, and I was amazed - a sinner saved by grace indeed. She recounted all of the mistakes of her youth, and how God still allowed her in His presence.

Most of the time, when I read stories of faith, I expect happy endings. But when I got to the end, I realised this lady had just very recently agreed to a divorce with her husband. I felt a pain in my heart when I read of her situation, and me being the very emotional person that I am, even contemplated writing her an email to encourage her.

And I wonder...

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It says here:


"Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God hath prepared for those that love Him" - 1 Corinthians 2:9

It's really difficult sometimes to trust in the promises of God - and that is why faith is a gift. I went to pray for persecuted Christians in St. Ebbes, and what I heard astounded me:

"They took my husband and my children, and I never saw them again. But God has a plan for all of us."

The minute I heard these words, my inner world somehow crumbled - my goodness, you lost your family, and still you utter such words of faith? My lady, you're an amazing witness to me!

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What was Jesus' response when he saw Lazarus dead? Jesus wept.

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I remember stepping into the kitchen, and this lady was there:

"I'm absolutely tired... sigh. But we're doing this for the Lord!" - Wong Bi Min

And my heart was comforted.

Coherent States: Classical Motion

Pardon the lack of updates, the last two weeks were spent in serious contemplation and reflection, and just taking a break from work and many issues just to think, pray and seek God with a humble heart. I know some of you are worried that I haven't been updating, but rest assured that nothing's wrong with me. :)

Well, I've photos and videos to upload, just that Blogger's out of space that's all - but what have I been up to the past two weeks? Well well, there's quite some things to talk about, but in a nutshell:

1) Celebrated Jed's birthday at the White Horse pub with a traditional English Hole-in-the-Toad.
2) Spent my time as a co-leader at iExplore's Bible Study with some Turkish new believers.

3) Conversations with Franz and Matthew about certain faith issues.

4) Finished up all the holiday assignments my boss gave me to do.

5) Spending extended time with Jed.

6) Cooking for the Singaporeans at some house-party.

7) Got to know Jia Ming's cousin, Diane Lim.

8) Went for an extended lunch at Peppy's house, an 78-year old English lady who spent her youth in Nepal working in medical missions.

9) Taking walks around Oxford and just taking in the sights and sounds.

10) Spending extended time with God - really extended periods of prayer.

Well what can I say? These two weeks have been overwhelming: a period of self-realization, encouragement, waiting, serving, thinking and I'm just amazed at certain things.

I'm actually quite proud of one specific incident actually, where I thought I made a very wise decision. That which does not come from faith, is sin. And how true! Because when you rebel against God in your heart, is that not sin itself already?

I'm going off to the countryside this weekend for some more extended prayer time and perhaps bible study. :)

Speak Oh Lord: As I Come To You

Teach me Lord, full obedience,
Holy reverence, true humility.
Test my thoughts, and my attitude,
In the radiance of Your purity

Cause my faith to rise,
Cause my eyes to see
Your majestic love and authority.

Words of power that can never fail,
Let their truth prevail over unbelief.

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Lord, be a light for me when there is no light. Forgive me when I fall in the dark, sometimes it's so hard to see. And by grace I will stand, on Your promises, and by faith I will walk, as You walk with me.

Speak O Lord, till Your church is built, and the earth is filled, with Your glory.

God's Plan: He Knows

Dear Father,

Day by day, it's all in Your hands! :)

Continue to teach me, again and again and again! :)

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

Lord Almighty: Hear My Prayer

Dear Father,

You're awesome no matter what - I've learnt that even in bad times You show Yourself to be good. Sometimes this child of Yours cannot see beyond the small ring of light around his feet - sometimes he asks: "Father, why is the ring of light so small? I can only see where I'm standing now and I can't even see what my next step is..."

Then sometimes this child of Yours asks: "Father, what do I do? I cannot see beyond this ring of light, and how come You're so silent?"

But when the Father speaks, the child is quietened. Dear Lord, speak, speak, speak, your child is listening. He will listen to You, he will honour You with everything he has.

Lord, help me be a blessing still - help me encourage people even when I only have a ring of light around me. The Lord shall be my light - thy Word shall be a lamp unto my feet.

This child is heavy-ladened, blind and weak - but he knows You are beside him. He dares not sin, he dares not disobey - but Father please provide him with strength and courage to live each day. Help him be a blessing still.

Help me be a blessing still.

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Burdens Lifted: Rejoice!

My direct supervisor is this really erudite (although I can't say he's a scholar, haha, for reasons only those in our course will know) and well-learned Irish man called Professor David Logan (Coulson Professor, Department of Physical and Theoretical Chemistry, Oxford):

Professor David Logan, Coulson Professor,
Oxford University, Chemistry Department

He's really really nice and funny, and I quite like him actually, haha!

And I've some of my favourite quotes of his to share with you today:

The Mickey Mouse Conjecture

"... and this you see here, is the Van der Waals equation of state, completely derived from a simple ansatz via a mean field theory. Of course, in your undergraduate days, you might have attended some mickey mouse undergraduate courses that gave you a mickey mouse derivation of it. But as you see, we've derived it completely from first principles here..."

The You-Should've-Known-It-Since-You-Were-Five Statement

"... and here we know that the result given in the classical limit when we move away from quantum statistics simply collapses to the simple Boltzmann factor - of course, this is simply what we have always known, that the molecular partition function raised to the power of N and divided by N! gives us the partition function, which of course, can be derived from the particle-in-a-big-box energy levels, which you all have known since the age of five..."

The It's-Stupid-But-It-Is-Ingenious Approach

"... and you might ask, are we crazy? Why would we do such a silly thing? Well it's silly, but as it turns out, it allows us to generalize the n-state-Potts model to a plethora of phenomena, like the adsorption of krypton on graphite..."

The It's-Just-A-PhD-Thesis Statement of Faith

"... and we shall now go through the Ising Model, which of course, is simple! After all it was just his PhD thesis!"

The I-Am-Not-Having-Examinations Proclaimation of Joy But That's Because Tutorials Are Hard

YYK: "Professor! Are we going to be examined for this module?"

Professor: "Oh don't worry, there's not going to be an examination... how're the Problem Sets?"

YYK: "They're long!"

Professor: "Oh yes, I expect you to take a week or two with each Problem Set."

My Professor's a lovely fellow, and I'm always kept entertained by his jokes in class, haha!

And yes, there are no examinations for Statistical Mechanics, thank God so so so much! :)