The Inner Man: Word of God

As Randy Alcorn writes, true character is what a person does in the dark when there's no one looking at him except for God - when no one is looking at you, how do you respond, and how far do you allow your personal integrity to carry you through?

This past one month has been a time of intense emotions and struggles - but the hardest part is this: when you're struggling with what life seems to be throwing at you, what do you do with what God has given you? Do you abandon all opportunities to bless your friends just because you feel like your life has been turned upside down? I believe a Christian has a high calling to live out truth - and living out truth is one of the best ways to partake in spiritual warfare.

I have been extremely naive in this one month in the spiritual sense - and I have been greatly humbled. There is a certain despair that comes with trying one's best but still not being able to fulfill his plans - but since when has it been about my plans? It's about God's plans for me and for the people around me and as a steward, letting go is a lesson we have to learn.

I'm but human, and letting go of opportunities certainly does hurt. And it takes a lot of meditation over scripture to even quieten my heart in the times of sorrow and grief. But meditation is necessary for the Word of God to take root in your heart - how then will your spirit be strengthened when you do not consume daily bread?

I'm amazed at what God allows me to go through - sometimes I could just scream at God: "God, why has it taken so long for You to speak? Why allow me to go through so many doors and take so many turns before letting me realize what has really happened?" Oh yes, I do ask God - but obedience pleases God, not our suffering. All of my suffering does not please God unless I obey. And I'm talking about obedience in faith, because as Christians, we know that without faith it is impossible to please God.

In just a span of six weeks, I've learnt how that when the Bible tells us to love God with all our heart, soul and mind, it really means that the heart, soul and mind are three different things altogether: the heart and the mind are two separate entities and what the brain knows, the heart requires a lot more to catch up with. When developing the intellect, perhaps I have neglected the development of my heart and spirit.

At the end of one term in Oxford, if you ask me, have I regretted coming to Oxford? The answer is a resounding no, of course not! But now there are no more expectations, and only a silent anticipation. :)